  
   
    |
|
PAINTINGS 
MUSIC |
|
FLOTSAM 
CONTACT |
|
D A V I D _ L E E _ R O T H K O
|
____While on the road in support of Van Halen's 1984, David Lee Roth the Elder experienced a night of exceptional psychic turbulence (even by his standards). Accounts of what happened vary. Roadie Steve Stevens gave us his version. |
|
"It was around 4 am and I was driving the speedboat. David was behind me waterskiing on two midgets he had duct-taped to his feet. He was wearing a red patent-leather tutu, a monocle and a coonskin cap. He was smoking one of those big joints he liked. It was down towards the end of the joint and he was using a baby's arm with rigor mortis as a roach clip. David was screaming at the top of his lungs,"INVISIBLE BACKWARDS HAIRSTYLES!" Then, just like that- he was gone. Apparently, David was taken into another dimension or something and butt-raped by Jah because when he woke up the next morning he was 6 months pregnant. He spent the rest of the tour trying to hide his pregnancy from the rest of the band and the public which was super-hard because of the mandatory spandex clause in his contract. Anyway, 3 months later, he was on drugs and digging up the grave of Mark Rothko. Just as soon as he had got the coffin in the back of the pick-up he had to take the biggest dump so he opened the coffin and pooped inside. Not realizing that he had pooped out his baby, David went home and left the baby in the coffin for a couple of weeks. Luckily for the field of art therapy, the baby survived by eating the rotted corpse of the abstract expressionist. Supposedly the genetics got integrated and the combination was now 1/3 David Lee Roth, 1/3 Jah Rastafari, and 1/3 Mark Rothko." |
|
____
Today, David Lee Rothko helps the people of the world by creating beautiful color field paintings on their bodies. His medium is usually condiments like ketchup, mustard and relish. For brushes he uses his matted, dreaded mane of pubic hair. His fee is $1M / hour. |
D A V I D _ L E E _ R O T H K O
W I L L _ C O A C H _ Y O U
T O D A Y
A T
|
|
|
|
PAINTINGS 
MUSIC |
|
FLOTSAM 
CONTACT |
|
|
|